21. Soaking it in

Well, I'm still waiting to find out how my interviews went and if I am moving on in the application process!

In the meantime, I am trying to soak everything in about being at home. I've been going to practically every single volleyball game, every cross country meet, every band concert, everything. I can't help but thinking that these could be my last chances to go to all of my siblings activities. If I am able to enter in August, even though it not finalized for the rest of my life, it seems like this is the end of my time with them. I've already been thinking that my 'last Thanksgiving at home' is quickly approaching, and then follows Christmas, then New Years, then all of our birthdays and Easter, and then summer, and then August.. It is going to fly by so fast. But I don't even know if I am entering at all! I just over-think things too much.

I have been trying not to think about these things too much, but it is kind of hard not to. Since religious life is becoming more of an actual reality, I've been thinking more seriously about things I would have to 'give up' for this vocation. Little things like not having a house to decorate for the holidays (which I LOVE), not being able to light scented candles and listen to Christmas music... these little things that seem to just spice up my life (pun intended) don't really matter to me that much. I don't mind giving them up. What will be the most difficult is giving up my family. Not being able to watch my siblings grow up. Not being there when my sisters bring home their first boyfriends, not watching them be on stage in musicals or concerts, not being there while my little brother grows from this little guy to a young man.... these are the things that break my heart to give up. It really makes the Gospel message come to life though of leaving behind even your family to follow Him. Of course, I am willing to do so, but I know it will be hard. I'm extremely thankful though that my family doesn't live that far at all from the convent (only an hour) so it will be easier to visit. I've also been secretly hoping my sister goes to Franciscan so I have a better chance of seeing her regularly! But that is selfish of me, and I have to want her to go where God wants her to go, even if that means Harvard or Notre Dame, or Pitt... wherever.

So for now, I am working on my patience and waiting to hear what the next step will be in this process, and trying to just soak in the here and now. We are going to Trax farm on Sunday which is one of my most favorite Fall things to do. Soaking in these and many more bittersweet moments.