25: Phone calls with Jesus

Ok, so Jesus didn't call me on the phone. But it was pretty darn close! Last night, I talked to Fr. Rick. He is just one of those priests that always makes me feel like I'm really talking to Jesus (so I guess he is doing a good job at his vocation!)

I had wanted to talk to him about fasting and all that I was struggling with in that area (see previous post if you don't know what I'm talking about). I kind of already knew the answers to my questions, but it was nice just to have someone else affirm that.. someone else who is not in my jumbled brain 24/7 like I am!

We talked about how I compare myself too much to other saints, and how I desire holiness and sainthood, but I need to do that in my own way... even if that means I can't fast from food. Basically, this is just something I need to accept and offer to the Lord. It was very helpful to 'analyze' this out loud, and really see how unfruitful my attempts at food fasting were, and how very fruitful my other fasts are. For instance, I don't listen to music on my commutes on Wednesdays and Fridays as a fast for those days. So that is 4 hours total of silence that I have committed to. It really has allowed me to spend some beautiful time with the Lord and just talk to Him and receive from Him (or yell and complain, which I have been prone to do....). It has also given me much more time to pray for the intentions in my life that I am fasting for. It never really feels like much of a fast because it is not torturous, but I just have to remember that fasting doesn't have to be this difficult, agonizing thing, but rather something tangible that I can give up for His greater Glory. But either way, the Lord accepts this sacrifice because He knows it comes from the heart and from such a desire to give up something for Him.

Father really helped me to realize how much better I will feel, and how much more peace I will have if I just end my battle with food fasting. Even though I am at a good place right now with eating, he really advised me to just let it go because I am in a good place. In other words, don't wake a sleeping giant. I had never thought of it from that perspective, but I think that is very wise. In my attempts to food fast, I am just opening doors for the devil to creep back in. It is time that I shut that door.

I already feel better today and like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It is amazing how much that stress was tearing me down and attacking me. I am glad to have it gone! We are not all called to fast in the same ways, and that is ok! So for now, I am going to continue finding new ways to fast, and be completely at peace with it.