Day 2: The Beginning

It is hard to say when religious life really came on my radar. I guess there was a small glimpse of it during my semester in Austria in Fall 2009, when I was really trying to be a saint and thought that I HAD to be a nun to be a saint (false, skewed perception of religious life). But once I realized that wasn't the case, I was extremely relieved. All my life, I have wanted to be married, wanted tons of children, and thought nuns were terrifying. Not only did I never ever in a million years think I could be a nun, but the sight of a one sent me into a panic (I guess those stories of scary school teacher nuns really traumatized me). My mom would even occasionally joke with me that I would be a nun, and I would always get extremely offended and tell her that was the stupidest thing I ever heard. Needless to say, the idea of being a nun was never a possibility.

Or so I thought.

This story really begins last summer, after I graduated college and right before I was set to start Graduate School for my Masters in Counseling, both at FUS. I was living in Steubenville because I was working there and had already moved into the house where I would be living for that next year. I just have to say, spending summer with your best friends is awesome, but this summer was difficult for me emotionally. I think people naturally want to have a summer fling, and when you're in the Ville, where everything seems to be so much more emotionally charged, this can be very difficult to handle. I had been working on emotional chastity for some time and really felt that I was being tested in this regard through a couple different situations. It seemed that the ache in my heart for someone was much more noticeable.

Also this summer, I was just working, not taking classes, and therefore had so much more time to pray. Sacraments are so easily accessible in Steubenville, so I was constantly filling my days with Mass and Adoration. I knew the Lord was stirring something within me by showing me this longing I felt inside to be wanted, and I didn't want to mess up by filling the hole with worldly things, so I more or less told the Lord that He would have to pursue me. He would need to be enough for me. He would have to actively show me that He wanted me.

It was amazing all the things that started happening once I asked Him to pursue me. Jesus obviously wants to pursue all of our hearts, and is bursting waiting for us to ask Him. There were so many little things, like the warmth of the sun, seeing my favorite flowers everywhere, having strangers do nice things for me, that I just knew it was Him. And He was flooding my heart with an awareness of His love for me, and more than that, my love for Him. It truly was incredible how much I was falling in love.

Whenever you do open the door of your heart, whenever you come close enough, you will hear Me say to you again and again, not in mere human words but in spirit. "No matter what you have done, I love you for your own sake Come to Me with your misery and your sins, with your troubles and needs, and with all your longing to be loved. I stand at the door of your heart and knock. Open to Me, for I THIRST FOR YOU…"

- Mother Teresa's I Thirst for You prayer

continued tomorrow :)